--- say ---
higher learning: moosey moosey moose
<talking to Rachel R>
"My friends at Rutgers are basically you guys plus sex, booze, and pot."
"David, touch my leg so I don't feel useless." - Rachel J
[re: After countless begs from Rachel J to touch her leg]
Sarah M: "Oh for the love of God..."
<Sarah touches Rachel J's leg>
Rachel J: "Ahh! It tickles!"
Sam H: "Why should I put on The Longest Yard?"
Sarah M: "I'll give you a blowjob."
Sarah M: "That's it, I'm taking the blowjob off the table."
Sam H: "What? You can't do that."
Sarah M: "I think we should all go into Sam's room to watch The Longest Yard."
Sam H: "I think you should put the offer back on the table."
"I wouldn't be happy as a hairstylist... Oh, do you have a cheese grater?" - Dustin
"Can you don't not throw that thing?" - Dustin
"I haven't seen your voices in so long, you know?" - Priyanka K
[re: There was a puddle of liquid in the elevator, Andrea bends over to smell it. She couldn't, so she rolls up a newspaper and dips it in]
Andrea L: <waving the newspaper at Stephanie's face> "Smell it."
Stephanie R: <whacking her arm away> "You smell it."
Andrea L: <smells it> "It's just alcohol."
[The following two videos are of Andrea cleaning up said alcohol]
[re: Cranium humdinger]
Jason S: <reading the card> "Ah, you're gonna get this one." <starts humming "I Shot The Sheriff">
Dustin: "...I know this song..."
Everyone: "What's it called?"
Dustin: <sings> "But I did not shoot the deputy..."
[re: Andrea is downstairs during Dustin's key duty shift and a drunk resident walks in]
Drunk resident: "Your name is Andrea."
Andrea L: "How do you know?"
Drunk resident: "Because you're pretty."
[re: I'm on key duty for Student Assistant; Suguna decided to visit and hang out with me]
Random Drunk Kid Getting Signed In: "Rough night tonight."
<pause>
Random Drunk Kid Getting Signed In: "Rough night tonight."
Suguna S: "What happened?"
RDKGSI: "Some guy said I looked like Freddie Krueger."
Suguna S: "Aww..."
RDKGSI: "Do I look like Freddie Krueger?"
Suguna: S "No!"
RDKGSI: "Thanks."
<RDKGSI goes into the elevator with his friend; Suguna and I look at each other>
Suguna S / Duber: <as soon as the elevator closes> "Yes!"
"I want to message her on Facebook and go, 'maybe it's NOT me, you stupid bitch.'" - Rachel J
[re: A drunk Jason "unwillingly" brings a girl back to his room]
Jason S: "Did you see her? I didn't wanna do anything and she kept touching me. I was saying, 'we can't, there are people in the room,' and she was all like, 'it's okay' and she kept touching me! And then you guys left the room!"
Duber: "Because we thought you two wanted to be alone..."
Jason S: "Normally, I'd be thanking you guys but you guys left! I was like 'come back!' I turn around and Nick was gone too!"
[re: Talking to Sarah D about that girl]
Jason S: "Did you see that? Eighteen of you! Eighteen of you is not thin!"
Sarah D: "She's just curvy."
Jason S: "CURVY?! MY DICK IS CURVY!"
"He taught us the history of pussy and penis... We were supposed to learn grammar!" - Dustin
"How do you put grammar in pussy?" - Katie M
"Eight inches is really, really big. Eight is bigger than seven." - Dustin
Sandra R: "I sound spicish."
Sarah D: "I'm just very white."
<everyone's quiet>
"I'd like to be a MILF." - Sarah M
<Sarah M looks at everyone with her eyes wide open>
Dustin: "Kian, meet our friend Carolyn."
Kian K: "Is she here for Jay?"
[re: Carolyn having her period]
"You should have a sign put up that says 'temporarily out of service.'" - Nick E
Jamie C: "Did you just knock on my door?"
Duber: "No..."
Jamie C: "Did Dustin knock on my door?"
Duber: "No... He's not here... He's at Busch right now."
Jamie C: <confused> "I thought I heard his voice. I thought I heard him say to the guys in the hallway to keep it down because you two were trying to study."
Duber: "Really? Well, actually, I thought I heard his voice too. And I thought I heard my name being said. So I went to the door and listened out but I didn't hear anything so I went to go blow my nose and then you knocked on my door."
Jamie C: "Are we... going crazy?"
<my cell phone rings>
Duber: "Hello?"
Dustin: "Hey, we just finished practice. I'm coming back now."
Duber: "Okay..." <to Jamie> "That was Dustin. He said he was coming back now from Busch."
<Jamie and I continue looking at each other really confused>
Jamie C: "Okay, this is weird. Why are we both having the same delusion?"
<Jamie and I notice someone walk out of a room, it's Dustin. He sees us and then walks quickly into Nick and Jason's room and closes the door>
Jamie C: "Did you just see what I saw?"
Duber: "Yeah..."
Jamie C: "What is going on?!"
[re: Our experience above]
<imitating me> "Remember that time when I turned twenty and I thought I was going crazy?" - Jamie C
"Oh, the cake might smell like outside." - Dustin
Andrea L: "It was on my balcony."
Dustin: "That's why it smells like outside."
Duber: "She thinks you're cute."
Nick E: "Yes!"
Duber: "She said you were hotter than Jay. I started to laugh."
Nick E: "I hate you."
[re: Nick is on the phone in the lounge, Rachel J walks by]
"Hey Nick..." <Nick looks at her and smiles> "Oh God, Is that Boston?" - Rachel J
[Boston = Carolyn]
"When I really have to shit, I, at least, try to find a toilet or an abandoned forest." - Nick E
[The following five quotes are from Jason's drunken spiel one night where he yelled at Andrea [our RA], Chris F [the Hall Director in a different building], and R.U.P.D.]
[re: Why he isn't opening the door]
"I'm trying to fuck my bitch here." - Jason S
Jason S: "You've been out to get me since the first day. Look, I'm not trying to obsess over your sexual orientation, but stop following me."
Chris F: "What are you talking about? I'm the Hall Director in Campbell. Tonight is the first time I stepped into Hardenbergh. I don't know who you are. I just came over here because I got a call about a resident here."
Jason S: "Look, my girlfriend is inside with me."
<his girlfriend walks down the hallway towards him and the crowd of people standing outside>
Jason S: "Who are you? I don't know who you are!"
Jason's girlfriend: "It's me, baby."
Jason S: "Who are you? Don't talk to me, I don't know you!" <whispers very loudly> "Go down the hall on the right. Pretend you're visiting David."
"You need to stop coming to my door, I'm trying to go to sleep. I'm on a new diet where I need to have at least seven hours of sleep!" - Jason S
Jason S: "Just let my girlfriend come inside, and you come back five minutes, if you hear any noise, I will gladly oblige to anything you say."
Chris F: "No, that's not gonna work. We're past that part. I want your guests inside to leave."
Jason S: "There's nobody in the room with me. Just let my girlfriend come inside."
Chris F: "I hear voices behind you."
Jason S: "I don't hear anything."
Chris F: "That's because I haven't drank anything tonight, unlike you."
"See, when Boston leaves Boston and comes to New Jersey, we start to have shitty weather after four days of nice, sunny weather, the crew team wins for the first time in thirty years, the lights go out in our hallway and bathroom, and my roommate gets arrested. Thanks a lot, Boston." - Nick E
Duber: "You know, you either are so happy, so mad, or so upset. You're never just happy or sad."
Rebekah W: "That's because I always feel so much, I can't just be happy. I have to be so happy."
[re: Moving the party from Sarah M's room to our room]
<after fifteen minutes> "Does Katie K know where we live?" - Dustin
Katie K: "Katie has soft things everywhere."
Ian M: "Labia too?"
Ian M: "What's wrong with a shiny labia?"
Katie K: "Are you talking about the inner or outer labia?"
[re: Kings, rhyming]
Katie K: "Platypus."
Dustin: "Pizza!"
Ian M: "Never have I ever had sex in a moving vehicle."
Dustin: "Does the moving vehicle have to be moving?"
[re: Creating a story during Kings]
"Pus is dellllicious in my cooter and my puss...damn it."
[2nd Kings story]
"Smemga is dellllicious during anal sex because I have herpes."
[re: Unwrapping the foil around a Grilled Chicken Wrap]
Sarah D: "I can't fit all that in my mouth. You give me too much credit."
Nick E: <quietly> "Maybe if you could, you'd have a boyfriend." <bites his cheesesteak>
[re: Nick is lying down and his knee is raised]
<poking at the area where the thigh and legs touch when you bend your legs> "Look, it's a knee-gina." - Dustin
"Stop playing with my knee-gina. Ow! Stop it, it tickles." - Nick E
"Yes, I love getting punched in the crotch. It turns me on. I have a huge boner now, thanks." - Nick E
[re: Reading Carolyn's IM to Nick]
Duber: "She says, 'I love you sugarbee.'"
Dustin: "That says su-gar."
<it says sugarbee>
[re: Smacking Nick with something]
Nick E: "Ow!"
Duber: "Sorry, I was wondering if it would hurt."
Nick E: "Well, gee, it's metal on skin..."
Duber: <holding a can of Lysol> "What if I spray this in your eye?"
Nick E: "Then you can massage me with razors."
Dustin: "Moosey, moosey, moosey, moose!"
Sarah D: "What the fuck?"
[re: Playing Taboo, "Guillotine" is the word]
"It was the nice machine used to kill people." - Nicole
C
"I'm getting sticky all over my face." - Sarah M
Duber: "How do you make an onion cry?"
Jamie C: "Tell one of Dustin's jokes."
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