[an online conversation before college]
Duber: i'm gonna be stuck in new jersey for the next four years
Duber: what have i done to myself?
Rachel R: you aren't a self-respecting new yorker, david
Rachel R: i at least am going to the midwest imitation of new york
Duber: sigh... and i'm going to the poor imitation of staten island

[re: to prove that she's not a goody-goody]
Tanya R: "I needed a fake ID."
Leah Z: "To an Indian convention?"

[re: the movie Coyote Ugly - Violet and Kevin are having sex with cardboard cutouts in the room]
"Does it count as an orgy?" - Todd

[re: Coyote Ugly again]
Todd: "I love how they had sex and are still awkward around each other and need to cover themselves with sheets."
Karen W: "Maybe they had sex with the lights off."

[re: being completely out of it while playing Slapjack and Egyptian Rat Screw]
"I feel such a strong connection with Jessica Simpson." - Todd

[re: meeting Kacey for the first time in our lounge area]
"Hey guys! What's up? How was your night? Oh man, I had such an unbelievable night..." <lies down on the couch, silence, jerks back up> "Hi guys! So, I was at this frat party and it was in their basement and it sucked completely so my friend and I just drank their beer. And then we left and went to another party and we drank some more. And then there was this girl who was dancing on the table and she was all like bad so I was like, 'I can dance better than that.' So, I got up on the table and I started to dance." <starts flailing her arms> "And I was like, 'I'm dancing!' and then—" <looks at the table in the lounge casually> "—Whoa! This table's made out of gold! Isn't that amazing? I think it's amazing! You guys don't think it's amazing because you're not as drunk as I am." - Kacey H

[re: a random (and somewhat drunk) gathering in the lounge in the early hours of the morning]
<Andrew walks in>
Andrew B: "Man, I was sleeping and all of a sudden someone walks into my room and climbs on top of me and starts dancing."
Kacey H: <from across the room> "Are you talking about me?!"

Dustin: "Do you use dildos?"
Rachel J: "No, I don't have any!"
Dustin / Jason S: "But I saw it!"
Rachel J: "...when?!"

[re: giving blowjobs]
"You have a cock in your mouth; that's a douchebag right there." - Suguna S

[re: Rachel J's drunk]
<I touch one of her boobs>
Rachel J: "Hey! You can't touch them!"
Duber: <taking hand away> "Okay, she's not that drunk yet."
Rachel J: <giggling> "Okay, okay, you can touch both of them." <sticks out her chest>

<on the phone>
Duber: "Dustin, you're drunk."
Dustin: "No, I'm not!"
Duber: "Yeah, you are. You sound totally drunk."
Dustin: "Don't judge by a book!"

[re: playing Taboo; Alex and Sam are partners; Alex has to get Sam to say "Temptation"]
Alex C: "The last blank of Christ."
Sam H: "Supper!"
Alex C: "Are you serious? The last blank of Christ!!!"
Sam H: "I'm Jewish, stop giving me Christian clues!"

[re: Taboo again; Rachel walks by after Alex and Sam's round is over]
Alex C: "I told him 'the last blank of Christ' and he couldn't get it."
Rachel J: "That's so easy! I would've gotten that!"
Alex C: "Well he couldn't get it."
Sam H: "I'm Jewish!"
Alex C: "So is she! 'The last blank of Christ.'"
Rachel J: "Supper!"

"I think every gay person should go around and say, 'I'm fine with heterosexuals as long as they keep it in the bedroom and away from me.'" - Kate Bertash

[re: asking her if she'll dress up as her sexy cop halloween costume for her bf]
Someone: "Do cops give blowjobs?"
Sarah D: "How should I know? Have I gotten a blowjob from a cop? No!"

"I don't give blowjobs ...to random people... Did I just say what I think I said?" - Sarah D

Sarah D: "I'm gonna go take a shower."
Duber: "I'll join you."
Sarah D: "You don't like boobies."

Duber: "Do you have a vagina?"
Sarah D: "I think I do."
Duber: "You think you do? When was the last time you checked?"
Sarah D: "I don't check; Josh checks... What?!"

[re: wanting to wish Sarah D a Merry Christmas after a conversation]
"Okay Sarah, happy birthday!" - Dustin

[re: winter break plans]
Dustin: <to Sarah D> "Did I say you could come?"
Sarah D: "That's okay, I didn't want to go even if you had asked me to."
Duber: "No, no, Sarah. I want you to go. It's better than [Dustin]."
Suguna S: <to Dustin> "Ohh, you suck his dick and he still chose Sarah over you."

[re: The Sims 2]
Duber: "I accidentally killed everyone in the game."
Sarah D: "Why'd you do that?"
Duber: "It was an accident. I was wondering what the 'delete neighborhood' button did... So, I pressed it..."
Sarah D: "...There's David's blonde moment right there."

[re: oral exams in Korean class]
Professor Kim: <in Korean> "What are you going to do tonight?"
Jina L: <in Japanese> "I'm going to watch televi..."
Duber: <loudly whispering in English> "You're speaking Japanese! This is Korean class!"
Jina L: "Oops!"

[re: same oral exams in Korean class]
Professor Kim: <in Korean> "Who do you look like?"
Calvin P: <in English> "One more time please?"
Professor Kim: <in Korean> "Who do you look like?"
<Calvin looks at Jina and Jina starts doing charades, pointing to her face and then my face and then back and forth>
Calvin P: "Oh! This girl in one of my classes!"
<the class breaks out into laughter>

"This [Korean] class is a joke." <Jina takes off her shoes to fix her multi-colored toe socks> "I rest my case." - Calvin P

<the Korean class suddenly gets quiet>
Leo: "Man, I didn't eat my low-fat, high-fiber snack bar for breakfast today."
<the class turns to look at him>
Michael: "Yo, what was that?"

Duber: "Yo, Jina, tell Mike your story."
Jina L: "No."
Michael: "What? I want to hear this now."
Jina L: "I got a cramp today... in my butt."
Michael: "That's it, I'm leaving this class!"

Professor Kim: "Jina, what did you this past weekend?"
Jina L: "Um..."
Michael: "Got ass cramps!"
Jina L: "Shut up!"
Calvin P: "What?!"

Calvin P: "So you wanna know how they named it General Tso's chicken?" <the entire Korean class stops talking> "So there was this man named General Tso. He had a daughter that married into this Christian family. The daughter made chicken at this church. The church had a cafeteria. After a while, the people stopped churching just to eat the chicken."
Everyone: "What's churching?"
Calvin P: "Whatever you call it."

Professor Kim: "Okay, split the class into four cars to go to the restaurant next Wednesday. Who wants to ride in Angie's car?"
Angie: "Yeah! It'll be fun." <No one raises their hand> "Come on, people!"
Professor Kim: "Hm, we have Kathleen, Sakiko, and..."
Jina L: "Felicia!"
Felicia F: "Jina!"
Jina L: "Felicia is good friends with Angie!"
Professor Kim: "Okay, Felicia."
Jina L: "Score! Felicia, have fun!"
Duber: "Jina, if their car crashes, you're the only girl left in the class."
Felicia F: "If I die, I'll come back to haunt you."
Angie: "Don't say that! We'll have a prayer session before we drive there."
Michael: (to Jina and I) "There will be no praying in my car!"

Calvin P: "So, wait. Who is riding with me?"
Duber: "Well, just figure out who's in the other cars. So it's the brothers, all the girls, Jina and I in the other cars."
Jina L: "Yo, I would fall under the 'all the girls' category! You don't have to repeat my name as to exclude me from it. Thanks, you make me sound like I'm not a girl. I'll have that in my Xanga, and I'll be yelling at you in it too. In big letters!"

Jina L: "Do I look like a girl?"
Dustin: "You?" <looks at Jina from top to bottom>
Duber: "Did that answer your question?"
Dustin: "No, I don't know if she was asking me about herself!"

[re: Professor Kim writes "David is taller than Jina" in Korean class]
<copies the notes, stops, reads them, turns her head> "Who's Jina?" - Jina L

[re: the same sentence in Korean]
Duber: "So that means 'David is more tall than...'"
Jina L: "Or 'David is TALLER than...'"
Duber: "Or that... Shut up! At least I know who I am!"

"I look at her and I think, 'Wow, evolution totally didn't work.'" - Tanya R

Leah Z: "I don't eat McDonald's."
Duber: "Are you living in a third world country?"
Leah Z: "Well, yeah, I'm living at Rutgers."
Jessie V: "There's sticky stuff in my fridge."

"I don't believe in bisexuality. You're just being greedy. Just pick a damn hole. You'll only get one!" - Stephanie P

Dustin: "They're watching some girl from Livingston [campus] give head to some guy."
Preceptor Tim: "In real time?"

<to Jason on the phone> "Do you have my number?" - Dustin

"In Japan, cats love fish. It's automatic. I don't know what American cats like. Maybe they like hamburgers." - Iwatani-sensei (Elementary Japanese teacher)

"Do you have any friends?" - Iwatani-sensei

"Isaac put me on hold because he had to go take a shit." - Tracy C

"Do I smell funny? Yeah." - Tracy C

"So I realized I left all my condoms at home." - Tracy C

[re: Birthday drinking, we're sitting down]
Duber: "I'm starting to feel it."
Dustin: "Me too."
Duber: "It's interesting."
<Dustin falls to the ground>

[re: Dustin and I stumble into the lounge and giggle to ourselves]
<running up to us> "Oh! Oh! Oh! Are the gay boys drunk?! Are the gay boys drunk?! Yes! The gay boys are drunk!" - Amanda F

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